Sunday, December 19, 2010

John Boehner, Ooompa Loompa

Boehner's better known for his weeping these days, a trait that will no doubt assume metaphorical proportions in accounts of him after death, but something that's always struck me is just how amazingly fake his tan is.

I live in California now, but I come from the Midwest, specifically Ann Arbor, which might be the locus for fake tanning —a healthy population of East Coast girls whose exile to Michigan won't keep them from looking like Snooki means that you see plenty of orange-ringed Juicy Couture sweatshirts. And while Indiana's a smidge sunnier, there's no way that Boehner's getting his rays there (and even his proposed two-month winter vacation couldn't get him that orange). At least Rex Hamilton comes by his wallet face honestly.

Boehner denies that his tan is faked, saying that he's never used a product nor a tanning bed; he's just naturally so orange he could be sold by highway exits.

It's just weird to me that the Tea Party doesn't get all wound up about the ridiculous, pompous, fake-baked Republicans… If they were just anti-incumbent and anti-elitist, they'd have pitchforks out for this Oompa Loompa already.

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